King of the World

Meditation is stronger than ROBOTS

This is a thread so funney that even the title (combined with your username) made me el oh el...

Fives for all!

Four score and seven years ago, Ninjas ruled the dojo.

quote:

---

Nevermore came out of the closet to say:

---

Zgyzhs sh wfny.

quote:

---

Hoffma came out of the closet to say:
Assboat can't put out candles without his oars, but he KNOWS how to FARTY HARD



props to HELLO.JPG for the inspiration

---

quote:

---

Nevermore came out of the closet to say:

---

I feel that this is something sufficiently witty.

quote:

---

Rocket-Nuts came out of the closet to say:
Yeah yeah, cliched, but fuck it, I miss our old buddy.

---

I saw this, and all I could think of was this:

MORE MONEY = BETTER THAN

quote:

---

Pirate Tom came out of the closet to say:

---

This is how he should have done in Shatner in Generations:

I've been a member of the "Caldrax can do no wrong" cult since the Batman Art thread, but he just keeps proving it again and again. And then the rest of you go and make the gold golder. Marvelous.

TATDOMAW

quote:

---

Nevermore came out of the closet to say:

---

Look! I'm the mitten pope!

quote:

---

YardKGnome came out of the closet to say:
[IMG}http://www.readytopwn.com/sparky/asstub.jpg{/IMG]

---

unix hacker code: rm -rf *.*

quote:

---

jnz came out of the closet to say:
Diver's Log, May 23:
I've heard the stories about it--that sunken hulk which both fascinates and terrifies explorers. But I didn't comprehend the reality of it until today. As I approached, it appeared through the murk like a queen making her entrance. Its once mighty curves were now encrusted with countless generations of sea life. I gazed in wonder and thought about her captain--he was a stoic and brave sailor, I have no doubt. What was his name? I don't know. To me he will always simply be: Captain of The Assboat.

---

My sister: What is that?....

Me: It's an assboat.

Sister: Right... then why is it in the air?

Me: That's because I am making it an asscopter.

edit: comedy sexcopter.

Yea, I know the fuzzy edges make it look -5 funny, oh well.

Munkaboo decided to show you this image:

Munkaboo fucked around with this message at May 23, 2003 around 22:11

[insert screwdriver and/or toothpick here]

Needs more of the cock statue that Alex beat the old broad with in "A Clockwork Orange".


PS, 5

Edit: OMFG, I didn't even see this post before I clicked reply:

quote:

---

pooched came out of the closet to say:
This is how he should have done in Shatner in Generations:

---

Don't ask.

Munkaboo decided to show you this image:

Beige Leader, standing by.

Goddamned Game Show Geek

quote:

---

SpecialK came out of the closet to say:

poo-snail?

---

Literally, it's an Oscar Mayer Wiener canoe sans wiener...

I torture rubber duckies

quote:

---

Pirate Tom came out of the closet to say:

---

The only true olympic sport...

LonelyKing decided to show you this image:

quote:

---

Pirate Tom came out of the closet to say:
img-assboat

---

Keep your energy high with my Beast Power Rap

I realize that I am the worst Photoshopper ever but I had to get in on this because it's the funniest thing I've seen since somebody showed me that "What the fuck is the Pringles Man's Name" thread.

Forum Dra-Goon

I want to be one of the X-men!!

quote:

---

LurchDawg came out of the closet to say:
[img redpile.gif]

---

__________________
If you want to play some Halo online, look me up on AIM. Always up for a fun Goon game.

Unpossible!

ASDOIASFINAOSIFHAOSIFHGAOSIDHAS!@$#)UADS


5

While I am skilled with a video camera, my taste in hot girls is somewhat lacking.

Just when I think things can't get any funnier, they do. I haven't laughed this hard for ages.

I don't have time to bleed!

Damn, beaten to the space theme while I was doing this. Oh well.

__________________

Syndrome of a Down

Oh wow, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Hell, I can't even explain why this is so funny.

Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.

I severely hope I'm wrong in saying that this thread can't get any better.
Manboat is the funniest thing EVER!

I will stop myself from posting "what" in GBS even though it's so fucking hard dammit I wanna post it. :(

This must make the front page, as this is EASILY the funniest PS thread since the Great Wall of China BMX guy.

I'm good. Maybe later

Man in Assboat c. 1900-1925

That's right, fat stuff.
Shake those chins!

This is one of the greatest threads in history, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't contribute. Sorry about the size, but I couldn't get it much below 100k without making it look horrible:

__________________

Witness my army of Photoshopping newbies!
Spanky Hockenpuss - Milieu - Doctor McNinja - Akumu

jnz fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 02:48

The Runner

yea, yea, yea, I know. shut up already.

http://flashpages.prodigy.net/mlnelms/_uimages/assboat000.jpg

This isn't nws, but some ultra-sensitive fruitloop will complain, so there's the link.

Forums Minimalist

This is one of the greatest threads in the history of these forums.

First thing that popped into my head:

http://jmora.freeyellow.com/asstank.jpg

quote:

---

ToiletDuk came out of the closet to say:
This is one of the greatest threads in history, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't contribute. Sorry about the size, but I couldn't get it much below 100k without making it look horrible:

img http://www.fishdot.org/sa/images/toiletduk_asstrain_100k.gif /img

---

I'M A WORTHLESS DEADBEAT WHO SIGNS UP IN THE SECRET SANTA THREAD AND DOESN'T SEND ANYTHING, THEN AFTER I READ THE PM ABOUT IT ON 01-13 AT 20:42 I STILL DON'T RESPOND BECAUSE I AM A FAT SIMPLETON WHO DESERVES TO BE IGNORED.

quote:

---

Ackbar came out of the closet to say:
yea, yea, yea, I know. shut up already.

http://flashpages.prodigy.net/mlnelms/_uimages/assboat000.jpg

This isn't nws, but some ultra-sensitive fruitloop will complain, so there's the link.

---

BEST.THREAD.EVAR

running away

(555)555-5555

I have another idea that I *really* want to do, but I fear that it might take too long and that my gif animation skills might not be up to it.

this thing is going to start a new world order

It looks a little like Lt. Colonel Grossman.

I used to work at the merry-go-round, but the merry-go-round broke down.

New, does it matter?

Stick Figure Chic

Wait, I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

This year: grad school. Next year: unemployed in style.

Has anyone looked at the page of the "artist" who produced the assboat and the other fine works referred to on this thread? His name is Øyvind Suuls, and here's his rationale for his work, taken from his site:

quote:

---

Øyvind Suuls artwork is mainly about association and individual experience. During the working process he find it important to capture and build visual tendencies that could influence and stimulate the viewers perception and imagination. Together the tendencies make an ambiguous reservoir. This reservoir should generate visual questions instead of answers. The viewer is therefore not supposed to find context in the usual sense of the word. Instead individual and personal experience becomes an efficient substitute for logic understanding.

---

How does this guy have a job and I don't?

Syndrome of a Down

quote:

---

tr0n came out of the closet to say:
classified.gif

---

*gasp*

quote:

---

pooched came out of the closet to say:
This is how he should have done in Shatner in Generations:

---

I voted my 5 yesterday, when I first saw this thread.
It makes me happy that it's still around.

Voted 5 with gimmick account too.

__________________
What is divine escapes men's notice because of their incredularity.
-Sleix
Residential Hazard Marker

quote:

---

CasperX came out of the closet to say:
http://www.lowta.cx/upload/asscrash.jpg

---

"I regret that I have but one five to give for this thread." -- Nathan "Bees" Hale

"Monsters?"

Sorry, I know I suck at the Photoshop. Third time I've used it for anything other than text though. You get the idea anyway.

quote:

---

CasperX came out of the closet to say:
[img-asscrash.jpg]

---

quote:

---

CasperX came out of the closet to say:
asscrash.jpg

---

Keep your hands off my schtick, corndog!

If laughter is truly the best medicine...

THEN THIS THREAD CAN CURE FUCKING CANCER!*






*5

Huh?

Captain of the Assboat

After weeks of searching we almost gave up hope. Then finally on the last day, we saw it. The film is kind of grainy and the image blurred, but at long last we had our proof!

Forum Veteran(not really)

sorry not very good

Forum Dra-Goon

quote:

---

FOOD!!! came out of the closet to say:


After weeks of searching we almost gave up hope. Then finally on the last day, we saw it. The film is kind of grainy and the image blurred, but at long last we had our proof!

---

quote:

---

Deathscythe came out of the closet to say:


sorry not very good

---

Point it over there and just let go.

If this has already been done (better of course) let me know, I've poked around but this thread is making my 56k cry...

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

This thread is making me hungry..

__________________

I put this here for me.

Someone needs to do an assboat version of clockspider.

quick and dirty.

Swordfish decided to show you this image:

probably my lamest effort ever...

Dfuz decided to show you this image:

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Okay, my first real attempt before I go to bed. I love this thread!

quote:

---

Merkin came out of the closet to say:
Someone needs to do an assboat version of clockspider.

---

I have no PS skillz, so here is my lame attempt to tide us over until someone good comes along:

Every single image in this thread has been a fiver! KUDOS TO YOU ALL!

Its obvious what it is...

radium decided to show you this image:

My first submitted photoshop, I have issues with the blur tool hurrrrr

All yur liberty r belong to us

quote:

---

CasperX came out of the closet to say:

---

one day i will be rotting in the ground and nobody will ever know i existed or what i did or believed, but the fact that i have seen the assboat thread makes that inconsequential by comparison.

edit, nevermind

caldrax fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 04:22

Possibly NWS:
http://www.buildersemporium.com/josh/toilet.jpg

I buy forum accounts for homeless people.

quote:

---

nicrosin came out of the closet to say:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=277506361

---

I have realized my vision!

Through horrible painstaking effort that no human should have to endure to make such a mediocre thing. I really should open up a manual instead of ripping my hair out every time i try to make a simple thing in imageready. Anyway, it's over a meg so I'm linking it. gif file.

http://216.75.225.152/caldrax/assboatattack.gif

Title text (optional)

OH MY

quote:

---

Nevermore came out of the closet to say:

---

Innate

quote:

---

uoutf came out of the closet to say:


I have no PS skillz, so here is my lame attempt to tide us over until someone good comes along:

[img]ass_spider[/img]

---

quote:

---

publicblast came out of the closet to say:
"artist"

---

montanus fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 07:06

twenty-three?

Whee! PS - 5.

[Edit: Improved I think.]

albatross d fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 16:30

I <3 ASSBOAT

Forum Veteran

quote:

---

publicblast came out of the closet to say:
Has anyone looked at the page of the "artist" who produced the assboat and the other fine works referred to on this thread? His name is Øyvind Suuls, and here's his rationale for his work, taken from his site:

How does this guy have a job and I don't?

---

King of the World

^^^Amen.

Edit:


..and

CupBoy fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 08:37

Shadayim

edit: wrong picture

elwood fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 08:41

Shadayim

Why reasonable people go stark raving mad when anything involving an assboat comes up, is something I don't pretend to understand. ~Atticus, Chapter 9

elwood decided to show you this image:

elwood fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 08:47

There are some disturbingly quality photoshops coming out of this

beware the naked astroman

Ok so I was sorta E;f;b but only because 3dsmax pissed me off.

quote:

---

In this pivotal FX-laden shot from "THE ASSBOATMATRIX" The lead character ASSBOAT dodges a bullet fired from AGENT MANCHAIR as the camera freezes into ass-time, a sequence where cinematography slows to a crawl while the camera spins 360 degrees around the two actors.

---

quote:

---

publicblast came out of the closet to say:
Has anyone looked at the page of the "artist" who produced the assboat and the other fine works referred to on this thread? His name is Øyvind Suuls, and here's his rationale for his work, taken from his site:

---

I fuck linen in my spare time!

Too flagrant, maybe?


THE IMPENETRABLE ANUS

ProjektorBoy decided to show you this image:

Captain Juarez decided to show you this image:

Captain Juarez fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 10:22

Ahoy there, sthailor!

Copies of this thread need to be included in those fucking space probes they shoot out to prove our planet contains intelligent life.

wow....

best thread in a long time.

I wondered if anything could be as funny as the first few photoshops in this thread, but then comes the AT-AssTs and fuckingtest's 3Dmax handy work and...AHAHHAHAAHHAhaOSdiaslakdjnlad,,m,m./../.

quote:

---

fuckingtest came out of the closet to say:
image Courtesy of "THE ASSMATRIX" ©2000 Ass Brothers pictures

---

"Monsters?"

quote:

---

caldrax came out of the closet to say:
This deserves a big fat holy shit.

---

TraditiOWNED

quote:

---

fuckingtest came out of the closet to say:
Ok so I was sorta E;f;b but only because 3dsmax pissed me off.



image Courtesy of "THE ASSMATRIX" ©2000 Ass Brothers pictures

---

OMG!

I knew what it was even before the caption.

Comedy Uranium


edit: Someone please buy FOOD!!! an assboat avatar. He deserves it.

GlowingFauxPas fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 11:14

I was compelled to work with the assboat
i suppose TylerK did it first but still


the hardest part was splitting out the limbs, the shadow is a moving path
you may build on the photoshop file, including the ass-y job i did on the background, if that's your bag
http://mortal.peril.org/lars/sa/legendwlk1.psd
the assboat toolkit if you will

xlars fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 11:13

Skull Leader

quote:

---

fuckingtest came out of the closet to say:
Ok so I was sorta E;f;b but only because 3dsmax pissed me off.



image Courtesy of "THE ASSMATRIX" ©2000 Ass Brothers pictures

---

You just blew my mind. Excellent job. Did you model the helicopter yourself? Awesome work

__________________
If you don't like my comments, leave or risk further subjecting yourself to them.

The Campaign for Badger Rights

Some truly magnificent work here boys! (although Malfeasance is clearly going to hell)

Luckily, I had .

I woke up, saw this thread, and am in a greater mood than ever before because of it.

Five. TWICE.

quote:

---

RealTimePicnic came out of the closet to say:

---

New, does it matter?

fark fark fark

Don't be a monas.

For the love of Jebus, someone who isn't bad at these things teach me how to make them less crap... fark^fark alert.

Linked for remote chance of NWSness, I suppose...

tin foil cat

Oh holy poopstick!
THIS is why the internet exists... Jesus fuck,...

I'm not going to quote any of the Shopses, because they're all worth a big fat FIVE independently.

5.

Researchers Log: May 24, 2003

I have learned much about the assboat during the short period of time I hve spent with it. I have learned how it moves, how it mates and how it feeds. Late last night, while looking over some notes about its home planet, Uranus, I realized something, the assboat can think, it can reason, and most frighteningly, it can feel. Now I am plagued with the constant knowledge that the assboat might be sad, it might be happy, or when it invites me to "take a ride on the four-cheek express", it might just be horny.

Stick Figure Chic

Filthy hippies.



(Sorry I have nowhere near the talent to've attempted this. to this thread.)

thongboat!

quote:

---

Swordfish came out of the closet to say:
quick and dirty.

---

this thread represents everything that is wonderful about the SA Forums

quote:

---

L33t_Kefka came out of the closet to say:


Watching this gif while humming the old "construction theme" (the one that went "DOM DA DAH, DADA DADA DA DA...ETC") from various looney tunes cartoons makes it 10 times funnier.

---

cute. soft. deadly.

quote:

---

Malfeasance!@ came out of the closet to say:
[img-assboatchrist]

---

Point it over there and just let go.

Pavlov's Dog fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 17:04

Just your average Civil War reenacting, video editing, anime watching, badfilm loving goon.

The term "asstastic" will never, ever be the same. A single five is nowhere near enough.

It's all you get.

Not only that, the SA forums are now the only place in the universe where calling someone an assboat is going to be considered somewhat of a backhanded compliment.

Forum Dra-Goon

I and the boat both love me some Bruce Cambell




edit:
If anyone with more talent wants a crack at making the assboat the cult hero. I could provide the original.

LurchDawg fucked around with this message at May 24, 2003 around 16:55

sorry